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Strokeaversary: Sweet Pea

Our beloved 14 year old Sweet Pea just died. I’d had my most recent Botox shots to my left calf and arrived from the long back and forth drive to Halifax to find our elderly lady sprawled awkwardly on the bedroom floor by her food dish. When she saw me she stood to walk but kept falling sideways. I picked her up. Her head jerked in spasms every time I tried to get her to eat or drink, even her favourite tuna snack. She seemed to be experiencing terrible dizziness. Sara rushed home.We arranged an emergency vet, spent hours holding her, and only late that evening, after blood tests and consults, accepted the fact there was nothing we could do to help her. The vet believed Sweet Pea, who has been noticeably frailer recently, may have had a brain tumour (many from her semi-feral colony in Montreal had died from cancerous tumours) and that it had reached her optic nerves.

There’ve been lots of tears since. The day after she died, a letter arrived for Sara from a Montreal cat adopter who just lost her own kitty. She had sent some left-over anti-nausea meds to Sara (they’re expensive and were needed for every long car trip).

When Sara opened the letter, it simply said “Hope these help Sweet Pea in her travels.” “I hope so too,” Sara sobbed, and a fresh round of tears for us both followed.

Sweet Pea

Grief is natural. It’s not to be rushed. Sweet Pea was Sara’s first adoptee. Somehow, despite being the runt, she was the last of the brood to survive and to still be with us. She travelled with Sara back and forth across the Atlantic. When we moved to Dublin we crossed the Irish Sea by ferry – just for her. She was such a trooper. She was annoyingly anal about her schedule, perfectly indignant when food was late, completely trusting of strangers, very patient under duress, a true companion, and very, very smart. She loved being lightly vacuumed.

Also in the mail the day after her passing was an author’s copy of “Touchstone,” the United Church of Canada’s theological journal. The issue title? “Death.” I’d forgotten that I’d written an article on “Death and Mortality From a Biblical Perspective” for them. And here it was.

Given that Sweet Pea’s condition at first looked to me a bit like a stroke, and that journal article, I’ve been thinking about death, aging, frailty, grief, relationships, and all of our shared weaknesses these last few days.

Snow

During our winter break, Sara and I were at the Atlantic Lutheran Leader’s Retreat. Bishop Carla Blakley and the Eastern Synod staff asked how my recovery is going. I told them what I’m telling you: I can’t believe how supported I’ve been. I’m still so appreciative of the support of Sara, of the medical teams in Antigonish and Halifax, and of many of you, as I fight my way back from my stroke. It’s a communion of all kinds of “saints,” and I’ve been blessed by it.

I continue to measure my progress by small victories. For the first time since the stroke I can now straighten my fingers enough to put on just about any gloves (you’d be surprised how hard that’s been). After one of our seemingly endless snowstorms I backed up the car and realised I wasn’t using the camera but doing it the old-fashioned way: steering with my left hand, and looking over my shoulder with my (good) right hand behind the passenger seat. Like everyone else in Nova Scotia I’ve done a LOT of shovelling lately, using both hands. On one sunny day last week last week Sara and I had a hot chocolate date in the snow. I’m able to sit down and get back up from those more difficult places much more easily. My typing is faster and my guitar playing just slightly smoother every week.

Although I walked 1.5 km recently, my left foot was dragging by the end – a hard thing for someone who identified as a “walker” for so many years. But I’m able to dress myself, put on a belt, and dry off after a shower with both hands now. I can even tie a knot again, if there’s no rush and it doesn’t have to be too tight. In so many ways I feel like a toddler who’s had to learn how to move through the world.

Sauna

As I mentioned in a recent blog-post, when I had a brief but serious cancer scare not long ago, I decided life is short, and I’d buy a Finnish sauna kit. Ever since my wonderful years with the Finns of Montreal’s St Michael’s church, saunas have been in my blood – and my dreams. I know it’s an incredible privilege to have retirement savings, and to spend some of them on such a luxury. But when I get cold my entire left side seizes up, making walking difficult. And the sauna sure makes my left side – AND the rest of me – feel good!

Serendipity

We were thinking Sweet Pea would be our last cat. But then, as I’ve mentioned on this blog, a big feral male showed up near our door in the coldest and snowiest of days last winter. He wouldn’t go near humans, but we’d wake up sometimes after VERY cold nights to find him on a chair on our deck, in the snow. He’d been terribly injured in one front paw somehow, and was un-neutered. Eventually, Sara managed to trap him. But when she opened the cage on his return from the vet, instead of springing away as expected, he turned and came into the house! Theodore is an 18-pound tabby. He’s incredibly affectionate and intelligent, even though (unlike Sweet Pea), he’s scared of any humans but us so far.

Back in his wild days, Sara named him Theodore. Both Sara and I have taught Greek. But until Sweet Pea’s passing just now, somehow we didn’t remember that Theodore also means “gift of God.”

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book reviews Uncategorized

A Translucent Read for a Canadian Winter

There’s a bleakly beautiful quality to many stories set in northern climes in winter, a dark, dreamlike state that can settle over the entire narrative. I first felt it in the novel Smilla’s Sense of Snow, and it’s palpable in most Scandi Noir TV crime series. You also feel it from the first page to the last in Sheila Graham-Smith’s translucent novel, If, After Snow, set in the Annapolis Valley and published by Askance in 2025.

As I write this, the temperature in Northern Nova Scotia sits in the double digits below zero. Winter’s darkness falls early and completely. The shore ice is cracking, sometimes with sharp, breaking-glass splinters, and sometimes in low thrumming woofs that hit deep in the chest. Among many Indigenous peoples, storytelling is reserved for winter.[1] The reasons are partly practical. But they’re also an age-old recognition of relationality: wind, ice, dark, and cold are not merely “environmental.” They’re agentic. They’re characters, as Graham-Smith makes clear. And the relationships formed or broken between people huddled together for warmth and mutual support during this season develop in interaction with those hibernal characters.

“No breath of wind, No gleam of sun – Still the white snow whirls softly down… Twig and bough and blade and thorn all in an icy quiet, forlorn” (283).

For all our exposure to wind-chill factors and our jokes about shovelling driveways, we Canadians have not always cultivated the intimacy with winter’s vicissitudes and possibilities that characterises other northern cultures. Graham-Smith quietly but firmly redresses that possible omission in “If, After Snow.” The book’s enigmatic cover could be an overexposed photograph taken during a whiteout. The plot unfolds like gently falling snow gathering momentum until arriving at the inevitable storm and its morning-after digging out.

The novel is set in late winter along a snow-bound stretch of the Fundy Coast. Carl Zoëga, facing a terminal illness in his 90th winter, has fled the seniors’ complex in Montreal where his well-meaning son Coby placed him to live out his final weeks with his daughter Miriam, a world-class cellist and experimental composer, at his summer home in the Annapolis Valley. In the neighbouring farm, Kip, a writer who has also taken winter refuge, is struggling to understand his life in light of a collapsed marriage, the death of his own father, and his consequent writers’ block.

Of course, the protagonists meet. With her preternaturally pale skin, her snowy hair, and her half-wild attention to the natural world and comfort in silence, Miriam physically embodies winter. Carl is a native Icelandic speaker, and stranger neither to winter, nor to a certain type of stoic Scandinavian philosophy. He represents the wisdom not only of his years, but also of the way that fate chose him, decades earlier, to be the father of Miriam and Coby.

“Not much can prepare a person for death but love is most effective. Only in those two instances do we give ourselves so completely to the unknown. To the other. And in the case of love, we do it willingly, so it’s like a practice run” (Carl, 155).

Carl had been a 60s-something single man placing groceries into his car when a desperate-looking young woman got her grocery cart stuck in the snow beside him. She asked him to watch the cart and a baby and older sister while she ran back to the store for her purse. She never returned, and Carl became the parent of two children “in none of the usual ways.”

Although the novel’s point of view shifts between protagonists, and the reader is privy to the thoughts of all the characters, it is Kip with his stumbling questions and his fears of mortality who most stands in for the reader. Carl’s – and sometimes Miriam’s – words to Kip are intended for us. The conversations between the three turn out to be as beautiful and delicately fragile as winter hoarfrost.

“the world continues to offer itself as solace for what can’t be cured” (Miriam, 254).

My only moments of readerly disengagement with this extraordinary novel happened during its penultimate pages, during those conversations I was most enjoying. The ability of nearly all the characters at that point to recall complex philosophical arguments in their entirety and never to stoop to banality or small talk (or to ribald humour, a well-loved Maritime trait) at times broke the spell Graham-Smith had otherwise so successfully cast for most of the book.

The author leaves us with both a quiet life wisdom and a profound learning reminiscent of Marilynne Robinson in Gilead. Kip’s writerly realization – and his breakthrough in his fear of death – is perhaps Graham-Smith’s nod to the writers’ craft:

“he had been looking, he realised, not for language to acknowledge life, but language to contain it” (Kip, 319).

If, After Snow successfully acknowledges life, and hope, and love – and even spring – while never trying to control or contain any of them. The novel ends with a funeral, and yet it is not (as Byron would have had it) therefore a tragedy. Perhaps this is because of a quiet glimmer of relational warmth in the final pages. But for me the theme is found more in the Icelandic phrase from Carl that Miriam repeats as an epithet at the funeral, and which brings us back to the gift of how this is a properly Canadian winter novel. Halda fyrir veðri: “stand before the wind.” “We used to stand on what we called the seaward ramparts of Fort Anne,’ Miriam says, “holding hands, in blustery weather. For exercise, Carl said. For practise (335).”

“Stand before the wind…for practise.”

In all those dark, Nordic narratives, winter is not really an enemy. Its hardships are real, but they’re ultimately generative. Winter, the season, is a chance to listen, to gather together, to tell stories, and to hold on. The title If, After… (an allusion to the Sappho fragment and Anne Carson book If not, Winter) says it all. Sheila Graham-Smith’s novel is a bleakly beautiful reminder to hold fast to one another in whatever winters we experience, and to always practise love, but especially in the face of death.

Matthew Anderson

January 2026


[1] Bob Joseph, Indigenous Corporate Training: https://www.ictinc.ca/blog/11-things-you-should-know-about-aboriginal-oral-traditions

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stroke-recovery Uncategorized

Strokeaversary: All the Things It Wasn’t

This week, something unusual happened.

It wasn’t the snowstorm. Having to park the car by the road at the end of our lane to be sure we can get to work in the morning isn’t that strange, even though the snow-laden trees are beautiful. Here in Pomquet, in Antigonish County, a storm day requiring our neighbour to come plow us out is starting to feel like a bi-weekly event. I had some trouble keeping up with Sara on her march to the car. But no, it wasn’t that.

Nor was it the sauna. In December, on receiving unexpectedly good news after a scary cancer test, I decided I’m not getting any younger and I’d buy that sauna kit I’ve dreamt of for years (ever since being pastor to the wonderful Montreal Finns and enjoying the rite with them). With the help of local carpenter extraordinaire Evan Theriault (Theriault Timberworks) I’m hoping we soon have our very own sauna in action for relaxing in this deep-freeze. That will be great. But no, it wasn’t that.

And no, it wasn’t that I’m starting to feel increasingly guilty about my handicapped parking sticker. Yesterday I felt badly using the space at the Farmers’ Market, although in the end I’m glad I did, since my balance on ice still isn’t the greatest. I’ve started to leave spots closest to the door for those who need them more. I guess that says something about my recovery and the general improvement to my walking! It’s easier and easier for me to tramp around the property, even on days like this (see below). But it’s still not that.

Nor is it that the big, furry feral feline we named Theodore, whom Sara trapped, neutered, and had patched up by the vet for his infected paw injury, didn’t immediately spring back out into the wild on his release. Instead he surprised us by turning into some kind of indoor love-bunny. He has apparently decided to adopt us. He’s incredibly smart and affectionate. As a dog person and someone with mild allergies I don’t encourage Theodore too much, but he seems to think I’m okay. We’re warming up to each other. But it’s not that either.

Nor is it that Sara tried her hand at making bagels (Montreal-style, of course!). As I write this I’m enjoying that yeasty, honey-laden smell and taste, and I can’t wait to try them with cream cheese. A rare delight and pleasure, indeed! (Recipe here). But no, not that…

Finally, it’s not that for the first time in months I dusted off my completed novel manuscript and read through it again, and I still think it’s great! I’ve been inspired to start sending it out to publishers again. The drawing below is from my friend Robert Aubé (more at his website). The novel is set in the very real location of St James Anglican Church, Cacouna QC. I’m rejuvenated. But no. Not that either…

What it IS, is that this last week I had Sara film my daily attempts at guitar. Every day I try to get my left hand fingers to move better by practising my playing. Here’s where I’m at post-stroke as of yesterday: https://vimeo.com/1157626018?share=copy&fl=sv&fe=ci

And here’s where I was pre-stroke, with that same piece (and with help from my youngest). I hope someday to get back to this level: https://vimeo.com/433444043

No. What actually happened this week that was unusual, was that I watched the recording Sara made, then the one from a couple of years ago. Then I broke down and cried.

I don’t weep like that often. It wasn’t from sadness, exactly, although I know I’ve lost much. I had to reflect a while on it. It’s complicated. While some of it was sadness, more of it was happiness – happiness I’m alive. Even though a year ago I could only twitch my thumb (and barely that), and now my hand has dramatically improved and is still getting better. Some of my tears came, I think, from realizing just what an endurance test recovery has been, despite the help and support of so many: the months of struggling with coats, and socks, and shoes, and bags, and silverware, and backpacks, and grocery bags, and everything else. Every day making the decision to use my left hand even though every time, it’s harder. (I just remembered to do it again, while typing this sentence.)

My point is NOT that congratulations are needed. There are lots of folks who’ve had it much worse. And there are certainly others who have to be much much more courageous. It’s that we are, all of us, emotional creatures, whole beings with needs, regrets, hopes, sadnesses, and joys. All. And life can sometimes feel the most beautiful, and the most rewarding, in precisely those times when it’s not the easiest.

I wouldn’t wish my stroke on anyone. But I was glad, this week, to go through such a heart-filling experience as that unexpected cry. Given the state of the world right now, we probably all need one.