Tag: physio

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11-Month Strokeaversary: an update in 9 gerunds

What better therapy than dancing with Gabe? (video below)

As the ONE-YEAR anniversary of my stroke approaches – wow! – my recovery continues to follow the quick rise and flattening curve (see below) that the medical staff predicted for me, as for other stroke survivors. And it’s true – eleven months in, the changes are more subtle. However, every week there inevitably still turns out to be some marked improvement. My physio supervisor, Jessica, tested me last week and told me I’m much stronger in my leg than just a month ago, and my left arm has also strengthened considerably in recent weeks. The Theraband exercises must be helping.

My recovery has gone far, far beyond what many of my doctors and medical team initially predicted in the dire days of last fall. With Sara’s urging, I continue to believe that the curve will never flatten out completely. As the book Stronger After Stroke maintains, there never needs to be a complete plateau to recovery, for a stroke survivor who is fortunate enough to have good support, a stabilized health condition, and dogged determination to work together with the brain’s natural plasticity.

So on this 11th-month strokeaversary, here’s some of what recovery has looked like!

Theraplaying

The wonderful physical therapy and occupational therapy folks at St. Martha’s Regional Hospital are starting to hint that I can’t be an outpatient forever. Of course, they’re right. “As much as we like you and look forward to our sessions,” they tell me, “we have to make room in our case load for new patients…” The hospital has been incredibly generous, and I’ve come to really love my outpatient team. I moved from two sessions a week to one only this last month. Colin, the smart and thoughtful tech who took over from the equally helpful physio tech Janna, is now regularly kicking a soccer ball with me. The catch: I have to use only my left foot. I’m finding that soccer and the funny-face bean-bag toss are my favourite therapy activities. Like a toddler, I’m improving my balance, coordination, and hand movements through play, which makes it seem (almost) easy.

Medicating

After my heart surgery in April to close a PFO (the hole between the upper chambers of my heart), the Halifax surgeon put me on precautionary Plavix, to guard against post-operative complications. I just came off of it and I couldn’t be happier. I’ve been bruising after every blood test (one time the blood actually spurted out) and also when I bump or ding myself as so often happens in summer gardening and construction season. I remain on low-dose Aspirin and a suite of blood pressure pills. But my GP and the cardio team at the hospital have dialled back even these a bit, and now I can crouch and stand up without threatening to black out. Sitting on my haunches to look in a cupboard reminds me of my old self.

Straightening

It was Lindsay, the incredibly gifted and helpful Occupational Therapist at the Nova Scotia Rehabilitation Centre in Halifax, who suggested “Oval 8 Finger Splints” for my left hand’s fingers most reluctant to recover – my ring finger and my pinkie. My pinkie has been broken a few times over the years of basketball and tended to go its own way even before the stroke. I find the splints helpful at the end of a busy day when my fingers tend to curl and stiffen. My typing is improving slightly, although when my left hand quickly tires, those two fingers droop and tend to type their own messages.

Hearing

Of the many effects of the stroke, one of the most subtle has been a slight alteration in my hearing, or more accurately perhaps, my brain’s processing of what I hear. I’ve noticed more trouble understanding Sara when she’s in another room, or there’s ambient noise.

At the same time, my need to focus more carefully on whatever I’m doing so as not to lose balance, trip, or drop something, means my ability to multitask, including “listening, while…,” has diminished. And, I’m not young anymore.

So my audiologist appointment finally came through. The audiologist took me into a sealed quiet room, ran tests on both ears, then gave a series of tests I had to respond to.

The results? Apart from the normal post-stroke inability to multitask because of increased need for concentration, my ears are typical old guy’s ears: some age-related hearing loss, and that’s it.

I actually enjoyed the challenge of having four numbers spoken at once into both ears and having to try to correctly identify them!

Canning

When Gabe, my youngest, came to visit in August with Ray, they said they wanted to do some jelly-making like we did last year. The Saskatoons were done and it was a bit early for the chokecherries, but the jelly turned out well.

Our place is prolific for berries despite the scary and record-breaking drought. I spent hours picking Saskatoons earlier in the season, and our strawberries and grapes are plentiful.

Holding boughs with my left hand while picking berries with my right turns out to be good therapy, too.

Dancing

Gabe’s visit this month also gave me a chance to re-learn and re-try the swing steps we’ve done so many years together, and also to re-learn some of the guitar chords my fingers have forgotten, from all the songs we used to play together. I’m thankful.

If you watch the video (click on the photo below), you’ll see how my face goes mask-like (not direct stroke damage but because I’m concentrating on not falling), my left arms wants to pull in and tighten, and I lose my balance briefly. But overall, what a joy, and what an improvement! Sara has been keeping up my dance therapy since Gabe left…

Reading

My worlds overlapped recently when The Canada Lutheran asked Sara to write a column for their regular Q&A feature. As usual, Dr. Sara Parks, who is a consummate teacher and communicator, produced something interesting, academically solid, and pitched perfect for non-academics. Have a read below.

I recently finished Tanis MacDonald’s wonderful book Straggle. I highly recommend it – it’s full of beautiful writing and profound observation. And Tanis’s thoughts on “ungainly” walking fit my new post-stroke life so well….

Travelling, Walking, & Celebrating

This was also the month that I took my first solo plane trips. I’d been invited west to celebrate the tenth anniversary of our Wood Mountain – Cypress Hills trek in the summer of 2015, featured in my book The Good Walk (URP, 2024). The Saskatchewan History and Folklore Society, which has spearheaded the walks since, was having its board meeting at Wood Mountain in conjunction with the event.

Even though Sara could not accompany me to hoist bags, hold my hand and generally be my security blanket, I was lucky that my brother Mark and sister-in-law Barbara (a recently-retired physio) were there to meet me in Regina. We stayed in their camper at Woodboia Camp near the Wood Mountain Historic Site (the NWMP Fort at Wood Mountain). That’s where Hugh Henry, Richard Kotowich, Hayden Thomassin and I started out 10 years ago to walk the 350-km North-West Mounted Police Patrol Trail (Traders’ Road) across Treaty Four territory.

10 years later, posing with Hugh Henry of the Sask History and Folklore Society

Among the highlights of my trip was visiting the Badlands in the “East Block” at Grasslands National Park. If you ever have the chance, be sure to visit this incredible place.

One of the most significant tests of my recovery was putting on my hiking boots (this time, with elastic laces) and re-walking a portion of the trail from Wood Mountain to the Lakota First Nation. Ten years ago, we did the three miles easily in the morning. This time, I cut out when the trail got muddy and hard to walk, and rejoined later. I managed to walk about a mile and a half in total.

Another highlight was meeting Dr. Claire Thomson, who led us around the historic site at Wood Mountain and gave both an academic and a personal history of the area. Dr Thomson is a descendant of one of the early North-West Mounted Police officers, and of his Lakota wife. Her PhD research on the Lakota history of Wood Mountain won the prize for best doctoral thesis in Canadian Studies recently…I quoted her in The Good Walk and was delighted to meet her in person.

Authoring

At the Regina Chapters-Indigo store I spent an afternoon meeting old friends and new, and signing books. It was great that my western trip gave me that chance. Also this month I had a chance to sign books and present Someone Else’s Saint: How a Scottish Pilgrimage Led to Nova Scotia (Pottersfield, 2025) at the wonderfully-full and fascinating Dartmouth Book Exchange. It’s an incredible place, well-worth a visit!

My life as an author looks like it will keep me busy into the fall as well. In September the Atlantic School of Theology is hosting me for a series of six online lectures on Leonard Cohen and Saint Paul, following up on my book Prophets of Love (MQUP, 2023). You can find more info on those lectures by clicking the “Almost Like the Blues” link HERE.

This week my interview with CBC Radio One Cape Breton’s Wendy Bergfeldt came out on the afternoon show “Main Street.” God bless the public broadcaster! I was excited for my first Nova Scotia CBC interview…and our talk went so well it was broadcast over three separate afternoons! It was wonderful meeting Wendy – it turns out we have LOTS in common: growing up from Scandinavian settler grandparents in SK, attending the U of S in Saskatoon during the same years, living in the UK for a while, and then settling in Nova Scotia. Oh, and did I mention? A shared interest in decolonization, history, and pilgrimage! I’ll post the links to the interview soon. (In case you missed it, my earlier CBC Montreal interview with Sonali Karnick can be heard here).

Next Month: One Year

Soon it will be a full year since my stroke. I’ll be marking the occasion, for sure. Will I be celebrating? I’m not sure what to say.

My stroke cost me a lot that I haven’t yet regained: my sense of secure balance, my ability to walk long distances, to run, to dance smoothly, and to play songs smoothly on the guitar. And crucially, I can’t type with both hands like I used to, which is how I’ve written my essays, lectures, and books.

BUT: the stroke helped me realize what a community of support is around me, how good so many people are, what an incredible partner I have, and how precious life and health is. I’m thankful every day for just being able to walk and speak (and pee and shower!), teach, read, think, and do what passes for a “normal” life for me. Much less all that’s listed above.

In the end, it’s all gift. Because of my stroke last fall, I realise that now more than ever.

So, see you next month! I wonder what surprises await?

Sara found a more elegant solution for dripping juice than the complicated ladder-thingy I typically used.
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Nine-month Strokeaversary: Summer, and the Living is Easy(ish)

My Left Hand

Recently, a near-miracle happened. For the last couple of months, one stroke recovery strategy for my left arm has been playing catch with my wonderful therapy assistant Jaana. She throws a tennis ball aimed vaguely towards my torso, and I try to catch it without using my right hand. Typically, I’m not completely catching it — more catching/cupping it between hand and torso. (Throwing it back to her is also a challenge because my spastic fingers won’t let go.) But last week, Jaana accidentally tossed the ball too high and suddenly, to her immense surprise and mine, my left hand shot up and I caught it in mid-air! Neither of us could believe it. I hugged her and we immediately ended my session for the day on that high note. No way was I was going to top that (in fact, I haven’t been able to do it again since, although I’m able to consistently catch underhand, sometimes just with my hand, more often against my body).

A few days ago I managed to tie my work shoes without help. That felt like a major win. Afterward I sat awhile, pleased with myself but so winded from bending over, I had to wait to recover before heading outside. On my new meds my blood pressure actually gets low sometimes! The herons have returned to our little inlet, along with scads of songbirds, so I can sit on our deck during such recovery times and just …. recover.

My Left Leg

The physiotherapist regularly tests my left leg strength and flexibility. Although I’m still limping, and have to be ever-mindful not to trip over my dragging left toe, this month she discovered it is now back to full strength! Why the limp, then? “It’s strong enough to walk without a limp,” she explains. “The problem isn’t your leg. It’s your brain.” I don’t know how to convince my brain to relax that left calf and to pick up my left foot and bend my left knee automatically. Sometimes I’m pretty smooth, but as soon as I’m tired or cold, I’m prone to a kind of geriatric side-to-side waddle that means a sore hip. With absolutely every step I have to remember to lift my foot. It’s frustrating (until I remember how recently were the days I couldn’t walk at all!)

Lately my twice-a-week physio dates have me walking on different paths near the hospital while the therapist assesses my gait. I even found a labyrinth. Sometimes I walk to music, which seems to make my gait smoother. I guess my brain responds to The Stones better than the stones.

Botox? Why not?

You may not have pegged me as a Botox kind of guy, but I’ll soon be a new man. The doctors arranged for a shot of Botox in my left calf in the hope that — just like Botox deadens face muscles to prevent people from getting wrinkles — it will temporarily deaden my calf enough to keep my leg from “hitching” with every step, training my brain to trust that a smoother, more natural gait is safe again. (When one is initially paralyzed by stroke, the brain sometimes learns to “freeze” an area to protect it from flailing and hurting itself, much like when you’re dreaming about running but your legs aren’t actually moving.) My initial Botox appointment was cancelled because I had to fly out west for my brother-in-law Vern’s funeral. I was told the next opening would likely not be until September. I admit I’d been looking forward to a possible breakthrough for my leg. In the middle of my little funk, Sara, who has often had moments of clarity that have helped my recovery, said: “well, if shocking your arm worked so well for your hand, why wouldn’t it help your leg? Hook those wires up to that calf and give it a try!” (I’ve since found an article that confirmed her insight.) After only a couple of days of shocking my calf, I’m already noticing small improvements in my gait. (And my Botox is now bumped forward to mid-July!) At so many stages, I don’t know what I’d do without Sara’s help, advocacy, advice, watchful eye, optimism, wisdom, and sense of humour.

Longest Walk so Far!

Last week I had a visit from fellow writers-about-walking, Ariel Gordon and Tanis MacDonald. They were in Nova Scotia at a writers’ retreat at the Elizabeth Bishop House. We traded books. I took them to Pomquet Beach, and they convinced me to try walking the beach with them. (Both have written about walking slowly, and Tanis about walking and disability.) We went slow, checking out beach stones and shells. By the time we reached Chez Deslauriers road, about a kilometre later, I think my left foot was dragging more sand than I was leaving behind! But it IS getting better, even pre-Botox! I later realised it was my longest walk since the stroke.

My Speech and Hearing

I’m very, very thankful for all the things I can do. AND, it seems I can accomplish more and more each week. But when I forget to focus on how far I’ve come, and think too much of everything I want to accomplish, I can get frustrated.

Something that’s not as obvious to outsiders is that my stroke seems to have caused a kind of aphasia. During a social event recently, people had to ask me several times to repeat myself. Sara tells me that she finds I’m speaking more quietly. This may be a sign of hearing loss (of course, there is an age factor as well). But since the stroke, I find I can’t distinguish between a “v”, “d” or “p” when someone is speaking, making me misunderstand whatever they’re saying. And because of the stroke’s effects, I “hear” people slurring “s”s, even when they’re not. Almost every physio I spoke with about this said the same thing, “Matt, I think you’re noticing this because you’re you. Most stroke patients wouldn’t be this observant.” I guess it’s a blessing that that’s pretty much the stage of stroke recovery I’m at: the fine-tuning stage! (They did put me on a list for a stroke-related hearing specialist.)

On the plus side, I have recently become eligible for a beer that one of the hospital LPNs, Dionne, promised me last fall when I couldn’t move my hand. She said when I left the hospital that we’d go out for a pint of beer if and when I was able to raise the glass and “cheers” with my left hand. As of this week, I can now raise my left hand completely above my head, and I successfully cheers-ed Sara with a wobbly left handed glass of sparkling. (Ironically, my right arm now has a frozen shoulder from overuse!)

Another first: I was delighted this last week to pull the cord on our hand mower, start it up and actually cut grass. Both hands on the handle!

My Heart

A bit more on my heart surgery for those who may be interested: on April 23 in Halifax, the very professional, very personable – and very skilled – surgeon, Dr Sumaya, made an incision in my groin. He pushed a catheter tube through the incision and up into my heart’s upper chambers. Once it was in place he inserted a wire through it to explore the unusual gap that has existed, undetected, between my heart’s upper chambers since I was born. That hole allows blood (and potentially, clots) to slip through where they shouldn’t, taking a dangerous short-cut to the brain.

I was awake watching the screens. To me, what Dr Sumaya was doing looked like a plumber or electrician trying to thread a “fish line” through a tiny hole. He couldn’t do it, and told me that the gap was smaller than expected and perhaps they wouldn’t need to plug it after all. However, a quick “bubble test” determined there really was flow between the chambers (meaning: possible future brain clots).

“I’ve Never Done This Before”

A surgical huddle followed. I was on so many relaxation meds I didn’t catch most of it, until I heard the surgeon say: “Well, I’ve never done that before.”

THAT woke me up! I may have some of this garbled, but he explained that they proposed to push/drill a second hole between my heart’s chambers, large enough to pass the soft metal umbrella washers through, then bring them together to close both gaps.

He asked if I agreed. I did. Within a few minutes I could see something against the beating flesh of my heart that looked for all the world like a child’s drawing of a flower. “That’s the device,” said someone. Within minutes, all the surgical staff seemed happy. So I was too. “If that was the first time,” I said to Dr Sumaya, “you should write this up.” “Oh, it’s been done elsewhere in the world,” he answered, “just never here in Nova Scotia!”

My Energy and Weight

Did I mention fatigue? A side-effect of my taking on new things constantly is that some days I find myself taking naps. Lots of naps.

Partly because I don’t eat as quickly (too much chance of biting my cheek or tongue), I’m always the last to finish my plate. I tend to eat smaller portions than pre-stroke, and weirdly for anyone who knows my predilection for peanut buster parfaits, my appetite for sugar has diminished. The weight I lost last fall seems to be staying off. I have more of a taste for salt now, and enjoy making home-made pizza!

My Prospects

Now that it’s been nine months since my stroke, I’m realizing (yet again, for the umpteenth time) that recovery is a marathon, not a dash. In fact, recovery is a pilgrimage – one which has changed me more than any of my other walks, and one that I’m still on.

Thank you for your many good wishes, and for the support I still feel, and that still keeps me going. Just the other day, I heard voices at the door as I took a rest. It was the greenhouse crew that a year and a half ago, put in “Sara’s Forest,” the 50+ trees planted for her big birthday. They’d come to check on the trees…and to check on me!

My Birthday!

It was my birthday on May 30th – the BBQ was an unexpected present from Sara’s folks. Sara got me a lovely (made in BC) teak shower chair. Now I can take the old plastic one back to the Red Cross!

Another gift is how I keep seeing my book Someone Else’s Saint in local and national bookstores. In July I’ll be having a signing at the Curious Cat bookshop and an author meet-and-greet in Dartmouth.

My birthday made me realize yet again how grateful I am to still be here. And grateful, too, that so many of you care enough to accompany me on this ongoing journey through stroke.

Thank you. I know how fortunate I am!

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Sara Stedy: Week 11 Strokeaversary

This device is called a “Sara Stedy.” It’s a cross between a wheelchair and a strap-in walker. Just after my stroke 11 weeks ago, I couldn’t stand. I was a “two-person transfer.” Two nurses would use a Sara Stedy to get me up from bed so they could wheel me to the toilet. I remember how safe I felt as they carried me.

Bounce Forward

Now I’m stopping to take my own photos of Sara Stedys as I pass them with my walker on the way to the physio gym. This week, trying to find me new challenges, the physios took me to the hospital’s concrete stairwells and I went up and down with supervision. When I’m home for weekends, I often don’t bother with the walker or cane.

There were some more firsts this week – mostly subtle changes. I’m a bit surer on my feet. Using my right hand to place my fingers, my left hand stayed put long enough to make an E and a G chord on my nylon-string guitar. At home, I ventured out by myself for the first time to take some photos. Instead of ignoring my left hand, I now find myself reaching with it to flip a switch or turn on a tap. (Often I can’t do the task … but it’s worth noting that my brain is starting to think I might be able to!) I had my first full acupuncture session with a local specialist. Lori and Lee and my physio team made this “shoulder and arm” week. By the end of it I could lift my left arm in the air without help, while lying on my back. Karen, one of my supportive nurses, surprised me by saying “shake” with her left hand and I (sort of) did it.

I looked back at my journal from right after the first, smaller, stroke. I’m struck by how brief the notes are (probably because Sara was jotting them, exhausted). I notice what they don’t say: how my condition kept deteriorating, how deeply frightened I was that in my downward spiral, I’d soon wake unable to speak, or with a personality change, or in a coma.

In less than two weeks, I’ll be released back into the wild and into the care of my own Sara Stedy. I feel safe with her, too.

I know this doesn’t mean I’m “recovered.” A familiar refrain across stroke memoirs is that one does not go back to one’s “old self.”

“In the first days after the stroke, I had naively imagined that I would bounce back to being the person I had been in a few months. Meyerson’s book [Identity Theft: Rediscovering Ourselves After Stroke by Debra E. Meyerson and Danny Zuckerman] helped me realize that in life one can’t bounce back; one has to bounce forward.”

~Mukul Pandya, Stroke Onward

Reading the journal now, my overwhelming feeling is gratitude. My stroke wasn’t worse. I have a public health care system. I am surrounded with resources: personal, familial, emotional, financial, and community (folks like you) that collaborate to support my recovery.

Human Resources

I’m usually the pilgrim on the move, but for now I’m the stationary destination! Some of this week’s pilgrims included my colleague Gerjan (right, with Carly and their son Theo), who despite his heavy teaching load and precarious position, has visited me several times.

Or Tom Curry (above), the hospital’s music therapist and a local performer. I’m not sure our ward is even his responsibility. But after he heard I asked about music, Tom faithfully drops by. He asks what music I know and like, tests what I can shake the percussion egg to, and keeps encouraging me. “Ain’t No Sunshine”, “Out on the Mira” “Hit the Road, Jack.” He knows them all.

Or John. John is a north star for the entire ward. Unflappable. Always cheerful. Extremely hard-working… Checking by name on every patient, just in case anyone needs help. As Sara was taking me home this weekend, John was dashing past for an emergency, but took the time to call over his shoulder, “Hey, Sara! Can you believe this guy? Look at him go! So proud of you, Matt, so proud of you.” Once John asked if he could do anything for me, and I asked for help with a shower. “Sure, Matt,” he said, and dropped everything to assist. It wasn’t until halfway through the shower that he admitted, “this isn’t normally part of my role.” Above and beyond.

Like Phyllis. Phyllis didn’t want to take a photo. “The School of Nursing doesn’t like it.” She’s an LPN with a sunshiny face who always says hi as though to a dear old friend, lifting the mood of everyone she treats. A month ago she spent her lunch break trimming my toenails. She wasn’t my nurse this week. But she dropped by, surprising me Friday just before my weekend pass. “How are your feet?” she asked, then proceeded to kneel to take a look (my ankles are swelling from the meds). “Oh, the skin is dry! Would you mind if I put some cream on them?”

Would I mind?? What a gift! As she was walking out for her next patient she called out: “I just love feet.” And me? I just love Phyllis.

Then there’s fellow writer, academic, and walker Ken Wilson who’s been faithfully sending newsy emails nearly daily since the moment Sara announced the stroke on social media, saying it would cheer me to hear from “the outside world.” This is despite Ken’s own mad teaching, writing/editing, and grading crunch! A few days after he read last week’s blog about my trouble with zippers, these showed up on our doorstep. Thank you, Ken!

Reaping Past Writing’s Rewards

Finally, it was a week of incredible affirmation in my life as an author and academic. This feels especially gratifying during a period when I’m struggling to type with one hand.

  1. Rubbing Shortlisted Shoulders with Naomi Klein

I found out I didn’t win the Vine $10,000 non-fiction prize for Prophets of Love: the Unlikely Kinship of Leonard Cohen and the Apostle Paul. But the book was one of just three short-listed out of 60, and the winner was Naomi Klein, for Doppelganger. Pretty amazing company!

    It’s not 10 grand, but it’s certainly a prize to be considered in such company, and I will definitely encourage McGill-Queen’s to use the jury’s blurb in their marketing from now on!

    2. Rave Review in Miramichi Reader

    I was also floored when a Google alert informed me that The Good Walk received a spectacularly positive review by Michel Bryson in The Miramichi Reader.

    3. Winnipeg Free Press Most Notable Books 2024

    As if that wasn’t enough, The Good Walk also made the year-end list in The Winnipeg Free Press’s list of 2024’s most notable non-fiction. What a gift!

    4. The Author Journey Weekly Livestream

    I hesitated to say yes to appear this coming Tuesday with Anne Louise O’Connell on her weekly live videocast, “The Author Journey” to talk about my writing process. My speech still slurs when I’m tired. But Sara said, “that will all just be part of your story.” It’d be great to have you cheering me on there if you’re interested! Tuesday, Dec 10 2024, 4pm Atlantic (3pm Eastern) on their YouTube channel.

    5. Copyedits and Cover Reveal: “Someone Else’s Saint”

    To top off this flurry of reminders that writing done in the past is still at work in the present, Pottersfield Press just sent me the copyedits of Someone Else’s Saint: How a Scottish Pilgrimage Led to Nova Scotia (coming out April 2025). I had submitted it the night I first arrived in the emergency room, following the first (smaller) stroke. Sara teases me that I may be one of a very small number of people on the planet whose first task upon arriving at the hospital by ambulance is to submit a book manuscript.

    I suppose this is as good a time as any for a “cover reveal”!

    For what it’s worth, this is the story of the Nova Scotia Ninian Way pilgrimage that immediately preceded the stroke! Saint Ninian may have a sense of humour.