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stroke-recovery

Strokeaversary: Canada Day 2026 Edition

It was a great Canada Day. Sara Parks officially became an Associate Professor at our university, Saint Francis Xavier, today. And after storms, a stroke, and setbacks, Sara and I finally, finally, finally got our kayaks – bought four years ago on sale at Canadian Tire – out and onto the water of our little cove here in the Acadian village of Pomquet. It was about time! Sara had to haul me out of the kayak afterwards, but otherwise it went great! I haven’t tried swimming yet, but kayaking is another #StrokeFirst, which reminded me it’s probably time for an update. (Kudos to Shirley Parks, Sara’s 84-year-old mother, who eschewed our suggested itinerary of museum visits and concerts, and instead declared it was a day to finally get those kayaks out on the water. She then was the only one who went barefoot through the shore grass, and then needed less help than me getting out when we were done!)

#StrokeFirsts

You may remember from a previous post that Sara and I keep a “gratitude cup.” Our practice is to add slips of paper throughout the week when something happens for which we’re thankful. Sometime during the weekend we try to go through the notes with a festive beverage, often a bottle of Nova Scotia bubbly, giving us a chance to be thankful twice.

Since my stroke, one regular category of items in our gratitude cup has been #StrokeFirst slips. Lately, there’ve been a lot:

My left-hand dexterity has improved markedly. These days sometimes I even forget for a few minutes after waking up about my left-side deficits… until I turn on the tap. In addition to the kayaking, I can now “flick” the car’s turn signal and house light switches without acrobatics, stir liquids with a spoon without looking completely goofy, type more fluidly with both hands, hold my tea in my left hand, and play C and F chords on guitar again – not well, but they’re there. On Father’s Day, I went fishing with my StFX Religious Studies colleague Gerjan Altenburg and his son, and he was the one who noticed a major difference in my ability to cast a line compared to this time last year. And since “The Beast” (the old Husqvarna tractor left by the previous owners) broke down, and our new lower-end mower “Chairman Mow” can’t handle hills, I can hand-mow our steep, weedy, and rocky hill to the water, with both hands. Great physio! (At least, that’s what I tell myself as consolation.)

#Running

An even more major #StrokeFirst happened two weeks ago. Running is one of those things I had come to understand I could never do again. I had tried and fallen, or tried and just frozen. I accepted it might be one of those things that wouldn’t come back. But last week, we were taking the garbage to the road right at mosquito banquet hour. As a true Maritimer, Sara was doused head to toe in bug spray. She suggested that standing next to her would be enough protection for me. On the way back down the driveway, I was surrounded by a cloud of mosquitoes, all chowing down. “RUN!” Sara yelled. “I can’t!” I reminded her. “Try! Just give it a try!” she urged. “Maybe it will work this time!” Sure enough, for the first time since the stroke, I managed a kind of hopping shuffle-run. I was overjoyed. My “foot-drop” (the toe of the affected foot tending to sag and catch the ground) is clearly improving. I was never a serious runner, like my friend Lyndon Sayers and pals, but I’ve had dreams recently where I’m jogging in short spurts like the old days. I hope they’re premonitions. I’ve found, like some others, that starting to dream about a new movement during stroke recovery often precedes actually doing it!

#MedChanges

In the last few weeks, after the semester ended, and Sara’s remarkable father Winston was laid to rest in his 91st year, I’ve found myself doing a lot more physical labour, all involving kneeling or crouching: sanding a deck with a belt sander, painting it, planting and fertilizing trees, mowing, weeding, building a low garden box for vegetables… Each time I would kneel and stand up I felt extremely dizzy. I was also feeling exhausted: some days I needed not one, but TWO naps! I chalked it up to a busy semester, hospital visits and a death in the family, and general stroke recovery.

However, when I checked my blood pressure, which had been so dangerously high for years and likely caused my stroke, it was low. Way too low. My brother Mark was visiting. (His annual golf trips across the border have now become all-Canadian adventures, and this year’s brought him to NS and PEI.) Ever the researcher, he looked up safe ranges and simply said, “those are dangerous numbers.” After Mark was back home came a brotherly text: “did you take care of that blood pressure yet?” I made an appointment with my wonderful family doctor, Alison McGlashan, who immediately stopped one of the large suite of blood pressure meds I went on post-stroke, and gave me a rota to follow for discontinuing more, should ongoing BP readings indicate the need.

I’ve now dropped two of my regular pills, and my BP is already closer to “normal.” The dizziness and fatigue stopped right away! A surprise side effect of dropping Amlodipine was that I immediately started smelling more. I didn’t realize that I hadn’t been smelling as much, but when I started being able to pick out what fruit is being eaten in another room of the house, and being offended by the compost, Sara looked it up and, sure enough, certain medications can dampen smell! I just walked by my work boots on the shoe rack and thought, “yuck! Is that how they smell all the time? Poor Sara!”

Some things – like this rhubarb pie Sara and Shirley recently made – smell (and taste) even more glorious now!

#The13Pilgrims

One of the great things about becoming an old fart is that I can go to conferences and try out zany ideas that early-stage academics still trying to build CVs and land jobs might not dare try.

For instance, pilgrim personality cards! I’ve invented a deck called “The 13 Pilgrims.” I’ll be presenting these soon at the 13th Sacred Journeys International (pilgrimage) Conference in Quebec City. The deck is designed for multiple uses: as a conversation starter, a preparation and/or debriefing tool for pilgrimages or other experiences, a game, a group decision-making tool (e.g., for a congregation considering a merger), and an informal personality/role test. It’s based on 13 pilgrim archetypes I developed, while the talented Cape Breton artist and illustrator Kate Phillips did the artwork. I was able to hire Kate because of an Eastern Synod Mission Grant (my bishop, Carla Blakley, and her assistants, especially the Rev Adam Snook, continue to be SO supportive of my creative endeavours!).

I’m really looking forward to presenting this. Isn’t Kate’s artwork fantastic?

#Context

So this Canada Day, I’m grateful. Yes, I sometimes lurch when I walk, and ignore my left hand as it hangs limp, and have to concentrate on each movement to avoid mishap. But I’m still improving – even if just a bit – every week. And there is so much joy and life afoot.

Living through a major stroke hasn’t been easy, but I know how fortunate I am. Right now I have three very dear pilgrim friends, with whom I’ve walked many miles, all facing life-threatening cancers. Their inspiring courage is remarkable, and a testimony to their spirits.

There is no perfect life, at least not for long. The longer we have the privilege of living, the more certain it is that we will know grief, pain, and heartache, in some way or another. I choose to focus on gratitude for what I continue to learn through my stroke. I pray for the friends I’ve just mentioned (and those I haven’t but am thinking of) in their disheartening battles. And for you in yours, whatever they might be.

This fall, I’m the speaker for the Nova Scotia United Church clergy education retreat at Pictou Lodge (pictured below – the couches remind me that a blog is a conversation). My topic is: “Everything After Everything Falls Apart.” Almost two years after my stroke, I’m still learning what that “everything” includes — from my own experience, and from what that experience leads others to share. Thanks for being part of the conversation as all of our ways forward unfold.

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“Der Pilger (The Pilgrim)” reviews The Good Walk

Gotta love those Germans…

When my friend Traugott Roser contacted me to let me know he’d written a review of The Good Walk, for the magazine Der Pilger (The Pilgrim), I was overjoyed!

My hopelessly naive generalizations about Germans include that…

All Germans are fit and athletic and they LOVE walking and pilgrimages. So they’ll eat up The Good Walk. The book that really ignited the contemporary rise of the Camino was Hape Kerkeling’s fun and incredibly popular I’m Off Then: Losing and Finding Myself on the Camino de Santiago, first published in German and a sensation there.,

All Germans idealize the North American “West” and North American landscapes. Germany is a crowded country that has lost so much of its own “wildness” but still maintains a strong national mythology of origins around it. And yet …

All Germans are aware of and sensitive to Indigenous sovereignty and concerns, and …

All Germans love to read, and as a bonus, as truly civilized people are multilingual and can often read English books like mine, unlike most anglophones and folks like me, who struggle with anything more than simple tourist directions auf deutsch

SO. After all these expectations, how did the review turn out?

Thanks to Google translate, you can read on for yourself….

The Review

p. 43 New Pilgrim Perspectives:

A devout Muslim embarks on the Way of St. James, and a Canadian professor and long-time pilgrim follows the trail of spiritual wandering in the vastness of the Midwest. Two inspiring book recommendations from Protestant pastor and passionate pilgrim Traugott Roser.

The Search for a Lost Home (Die Suche nach einem verlorenen Zuhause)

“Matthew Anderson, Professor of New Testament at Concordia University in Montreal, is an experienced pilgrim who has also led his Canadian students through Spain, France, England, and Norway and has made a name for himself as a documentary filmmaker on pilgrimage. After many trips to Europe, he wonders whether pilgrimage is also possible in North America and what pilgrimage might mean there. In his new book, “The Good Walk – Creating New Paths on Traditional Prairie Trails,” he tells a compelling story of humanity’s age-old paths through the prairie of the Middle West. It is an account of a painful yet healing search for home: “Pilgrimage together with others—in the broadest sense understood as spiritually motivated hiking—is a way of searching for a lost home.” Anderson is a descendant of settlers who farmed…

(P. 45) and built small towns on the supposedly deserted plains of Saskatchewan (see photo above), and [the region once called] the Northwest Territories. Since 2015, Anderson and his wife Sara have been traveling the trails once used by traders, settler treks, and the Northwest Mounted Police, a paramilitary force commissioned by the Canadian government. But Anderson not only gets close to the story of his own family, descendants of white European immigrants, but also of the people who lived there before and were deprived of their land through sham treaties, displacement, and targeted extermination.

Pilgrimage: intercultural and interfaith

Anderson is accompanied on his journey by various companions, including Don Bolen, the Catholic Archbishop of the Diocese of Regina. Descendants of the First Nations, the Lakota, the Nakota, and the Nehyawak (Cree) accompany them or host them, as do descendants of settlers and the Métis, descendants of European-Indigenous marriages, who historically mediated between cultures as fur traders and are now considered an independent nation.

Anderson sees his hikes through the vast landscapes as pilgrimages to places whose history has been partly forgotten, partly erased. This also changes the landscape and its perception itself: through narratives and archaeological evidence, places of living memory emerge.

The places create new relationships and deepen old ones. In this way, the pilgrims come into contact with the spiritual world, [sometimes] with the elders and wise men of the Indigenous peoples, [sometimes] with their own family history, and [always] with nature. Through Christian and Indigenous rituals, the pilgrimage becomes an intercultural and religiously unifying experience. At the same time, it is a painful journey that ties in with the tradition of penitential pilgrimage: The extermination of the North American bison took place in the vastness of the prairie. This deprived the Indigenous people of their livelihood, and thousands starved to death while faced with the government’s deliberate inaction. It is equally painful when the pilgrims encounter survivors from the church-run boarding schools (of both Catholics and Protestants):

On behalf of state authorities, children were taken from their families and  Nations and placed in Christian schools. Only in recent years did the public learn of the graves of thousands of nameless children who did not survive the ordeal.

Reward for Physical and Mental Effort

The paths across the prairie demand physical and mental effort from the pilgrims, but they also reward them: through community, forgiveness, and understanding. Matthew Anderson ultimately even succeeds in finding peace for his deceased parents and for his sister, who died very young. The pilgrim’s path is a good path, and with the project Anderson describes, a new, very unique pilgrimage tradition begins in Canada.

I couldn’t put either book down; it was precisely the different perspectives of both authors that inspired me to consider my own pilgrimage

I couldn’t put either book down; it was precisely the different perspectives of both authors that inspired me to consider my own pilgrimage on the Way of St. James in a new and more profound way: as a consciously religious experience, as a path to encounter God, and as a path to reconciliation.”

Dr. Roser’s Own Pilgrim Book

I wouldn’t be much of a friend, if at this point I didn’t mention that Traugott has published his own pilgrim book. It’s in German, titled Hola! bei Kilometer 410: Mit Allen Sinnen auf dem Jakobsweg (Hola! At kilometre 410 with all senses on the Camino de Santiago).

I wonder if a rather free, but still good, translation might be: “Hola! Fully aware and alive at kilometre 410 of the Camino de Santiago.” It’d be great to see this valuable book out for the English-language reader as well! (By the way, the other book he reviewed with mine in the above article sounds fascinating).

Traugott does all kinds of interesting teaching and research, including (like me) teaching Bible and Film classes. He is also an ethicist who teaches about ethics in healthcare and palliative care.

Thanks, Traugott, for the great review. Buen Camino! Looking forward to walking with you some day soon!

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Walking the Celtic Shores

“Take a picture of your father,” I said. “Something nice,” I said.

One of the frustrations I had while being the part-time director of Camino Nova Scotia was leading pilgrimages I couldn’t actually walk! I schlepped bags, drove, unlocked and cleaned halls, and cooked for the pilgrims who had signed up. All the while wishing I could walk the trails in Nova Scotia myself.

So this spring, when my youngest from Montreal suggested a “long walk with papa” I jumped at the chance. We finally settled on the Celtic Shores Trail in south-west Cape Breton. It was close to home, and because of the SATbus (Strait Area Transit) I was able to plan a way we could leave a car at the end of each day’s walk and still get back to the start point. (Although it meant some VERY early mornings by the end).

All told, we walked from Troy to Inverness. We had a WONDERFUL time, met lots of folks (although only one other distance walker on the trail), ate tons of sea-food, listened to Cape Breton fiddle music, chatted all day as we walked, and swam in the ocean.

I highly recommend this trail, and the use of the SATbus to coordinate getting back to a car at the end of each day.

Some tips: check the “take a break” walkers’ benches for wasps’ nests…before sitting down! Note that the SATbus doesn’t run weekends, and must be booked in advance. Check out the Ceilidh Fishers’ Coop in Port Hood for fresh seafood and to report your progress to a local trail volunteer. Bring bug spray (although they weren’t bad for us this time around), sunscreen, and rain-gear. We had bear-spray. Thankfully we didn’t encounter any, but we saw some fresh scat. Especially if walking on a weekend, keep your eyes open for four-wheelers, which are a far greater concern. And have fun!

Our stationary Air B&B RV in Craigmore, NS

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A Five-Minute Cooks’ Tour

2016-07-21-11-19-38

on the subject of – what else? – western Christian pilgrimage (clink on the following link) https://vimeo.com/183303404

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The Way is Made by Walking

field of stones

Bare details don’t tell it all: Bær to Lundur, 17 km, Oddsstadir to Fitjar, 12.2. There is a map, but no obvious trail. Elínborg, Hulda and Floki, with few others, dream of a trail walked by Icelanders and others, to mark faith, and history, and friendship. They have planted posts over the years to help guide the way. But unlike the Camino, unlike even St Olaf’s, here there is rarely a visible path. A Spanish poet wrote that “the way is made by walking”. And isn’t that the way it is with life? The way is made by walking. And so is the trust, and the faith, and the community, and the hope. And the pilgrim.

made by walking.jpg

fording the stream

map of route

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Pilgrimage Gross

moss on rocks detail

Somewhere between Hvalfjördur and Thingvillir (the double ‘l’ pronounced with a d/t sound, thus Thing-vit-leer) we were drenched in mist, rain, and mud. And, since our day ended up being an almost 30 km scramble over what the Icelanders call ‘leg-breaker trail’ (Leggjabrjótur), by the time we were done we were sore and wet and cold in every possible way. And dirty. When my daughter looked at some of the clothes we’d been wearing, she coined the term: pilgrimage-gross.

Which got me thinking about appearances, pilgrimage, Icelanders and North Americans. Nowhere we stayed had the kind of full-length, or even half-length, mirrors so common in North America. There was a kind of self-acceptance and natural toughness to the Icelanders with whom we walked, an easy gracefulness that seems to come from closer contact with the natural environment. What’s more, I noticed that the folks we set out with became more handsome and beautiful as we shared the trials and the trail together. So even though our clothes (and especially our boots!) became progressively more ‘pilgrimage gross’, a kind of ‘pilgrim beauty’ shone even more through the mud, mist and cold, and was everywhere present in the people and the land.

Jonina meditates

Ertla and Elinborg in mist

 

 

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Things You Wish You Hadn’t Said on Radio from Iceland

Iceland troll head by falls
My short TV appearance on Icelandic TV, filmed at the end of our walk (at the end of the report in Icelandic)
http://www.visir.is/-gengu-berfaett-sidasta-spolinn-i-pilagrimagongu-/article/2016160729463
I was feeling somewhat exhausted when CBC Radio One’s All in a Weekend called me on the trail for a follow-up interview while we were high up on ‘bone-breaker’ trail after having been briefly lost in the clouds (by the way, Gabriel had to shout out to me how to say “bye” in Icelandic, but they cut that part). The “troll” comment was a reference to the big, happy rock-and-roll guy! #thingsyouwishyoucouldtakeback

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/programs/allinaweekend/a-walk-across-iceland-1.3692927

There was also an earlier interview on CBC radio about Iceland, just before leaving:

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/programs/allinaweekend/pilgrimage-to-iceland-1.3692347

Concordia (and theological studies) has been getting some good coverage out of the 2016 Icelandic pilgrimage!

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Fresh Trout after the Prestergatta

 

Day two of our pilgrimage through Iceland: We’re sitting, eight Canadians and ten Icelanders, at one long table. Our host, Hulda Gudmundsdottír, who has put us in her renovated barn (barn being a word that hardly describes the luxury of the place) comes around as we finish our meal of lake trout, potato salad and greens. Did you like the fish? She asked. I went out and caught it with my son in nets, three days ago.

The fish is only one of the wonders of this place. Elínborg Sturludottr led us along the prestergatta today, the priests’ path from the small church where we had our matins (morning devotions) to the even tinier church where we had our vespers (evening devotions). Our other priest guide, Floki Kristinsson tells us that the morning church was built on the site where Rudolf, the English monk who had accompanied St Olaf up to his death in 1030, came that same year to Iceland and started the first monastery. The Icelanders are a fun group, their humour in contrast to the starkness of this land. For the first time today, we came across what we Canadians call real trees. The Icelanders told us: what do you do if you’re lost in a forest in Iceland? Stand up. At which they laughed uproariously. We climbed up and out of the fjord this morning, 1000 feet, and came down the valley to this beautiful lake setting. In passing we were offered an unexpected afternoon coffee and some sort of sweet flatbread, by an Icelander who is interested in our pilgrimage. This place, including the people, is truly a place of wonders.

An extra treat on this blogpost: fellow pilgrim, Ásta Camilla Gylfadóttir, reads a short Icelandic folktale titled: The church builder at Reyn. Click on this link for her lovely diction and accent!

July 20 afternoon coffee
July 20 afternoon coffee traditional Icelandic cottage

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CBC Interview on Icelandic pilgrimage

turning at the crater

July 2016 interview with CBC Radio One Montreal show ‘All in a Weekend’ hosted by the gracious and thoughtful Nantali Ndongo, about my pilgrimage to Iceland: http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/programs/allinaweekend/pilgrimage-to-iceland-1.3692347

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Jihad and I on Pilgrimage

2016-06-04 13.55.39

It’s been over a month now since I joined Prof Sara Terreault and her class for the third annual pilgrimage between Montreal and Kahnawake Mohawk Territory. The students were fantastic – interesting and interested, willing to learn and to dive into anything (even, sometimes, the water). Jihad T was a student in the class and was gracious enough to join me for two interviews, one in French on Radio-Canada (see the “interviews” link above) and the other in English, on CBC One’s ‘Home Run’ program. Thanks to M, who made the interview available to us! Have a listen!